For the first time this year, the whole "adoption process" had me pretty bummed out this past week. I've been contacting agencies blind, just calling whoever comes up on a google search of my state, and inquiring about services. Two of the big agencies recommended to me both turned out to be very difficult to work with, requiring work day meetings to answer questions before you are allowed to apply. All of the websites talk about the federal tax credit, which was extended to 2012, but that only applies to adoptions which are finalized in 2012 which will certainly not be us. Does that mean that money goes away next year? Then I found out that what I thought would be about $15,000 is actually between $20,000 and $30,000 almost everywhere.
I was tired. I was discouraged by how hard it seemed to get started; by how much more money I need to fundraise.
Meanwhile, my mom had to schedule a cardiac cath. It's not a big deal for most people but for those of us with Ehlers Danlos, or for people as medically complicated as my mom, that's as close as she'll come to an actual surgery for the rest of her life. Add in being allergic to the elements required for the procedure and the doctor's recommendation to "reduce stress" just barely 2 months after my dad lost his job and you have a very worried daughter.
I was tired. I was discouraged.
I knew that God is still sovereign and will always support me, it was just getting a bit harder to smile.
Then Sunday came.
My pastor's wife said she'd watch our dogs while we went up to be with my parents. A friend encouraged me with her experience with the same procedure my mom was having. Another friend brought items to donate to our adoption yard sale. Still another offered all the resources she and her husband gathered while choosing an adoption agency, and another brought a newspaper clipping of an adoption fair going on in town, with bunches of vendors in one place ready to give me information. My congregation prayed for my mom during the service, and individual friends asked how I was doing and what time to pray. I was overwhelmed with the loving support of this prayer family which has known me barely a year and yet embraced me so fully into their lives.
Right now I'm sitting in my mom's hospital room. Her procedure went off without a hitch, none of the horrible complications that could have happened from the EDS or her allergy have reared their ugly head. And while I know that God's love, faithfulness, and sovereignty do not depend on what He chooses to allow in my earthly state; that His will is perfect and His love is perfect no matter what my perspective is this side of heaven; whether I become a mother or not; whether I lose my mother or not - I have experienced the merciful hand of the Lord today. And I am grateful beyond anything that I can shout from a rooftop or a blog post or anywhere, because nothing compares to the glorious mercy of my Lord and Savior.